


Goodbye

by lampglobe



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Feelings, Gen, How Do I Tag, I like steve i really do i swear, Internal Conflict, Internal Monologue, M/M, Not A Fix-It, One Shot, One-Sided Relationship, Overuse of italics, Pining, i just hated endgame steve, if anything i made it worse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-26
Updated: 2019-08-26
Packaged: 2020-09-27 10:43:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20406421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lampglobe/pseuds/lampglobe
Summary: What Bucky was thinking as he sees Steve for the last time.





	Goodbye

"Remember... You have to return the stones to the exact moment you got them," Bruce says. "Or you're gonna open up a bunch of nasty alternate realities."

"Don't worry, Bruce. Clip all the branches." Steve reassures him.

Bucky watches the exchange with his face a mask of indifference. On the inside however, he was most definitely _not_ indifferent to what was happening. Of course he knew what Steve was about to do. He's known him his entire life (except for the few seventy or so years in between when Steve was frozen and Bucky was being used by Hydra to mold the 20th century to their image) he _knew_ the look Steve had on his face. The look that meant he was determined to do what he was going to do and there was _nothing_ anybody could do to stop him. He knew Steve missed Peggy. Of course he did.

It's good that he's getting to settle down with her, Bucky keeps reassuring himself, it's better this way. After all, if Steve's gone and gotten old with Peggy and is graying and in love with someone else then what's the point in telling him about the way Bucky feels, has always felt, for him.

What's the point in telling him about all the nights in their cold apartment in Brooklyn when Steve was sick and Bucky wanted nothing more then to go lay next to him and kiss his forehead and assure him that it was okay, because he had Steve and Steve had Bucky. What's the point in telling him about all the stolen glances at him when he thought no one else was looking. What's the point in telling him about how Bucky's heart skipped a beat whenever Steve's beautiful, amazing smile was directed at him. What's the point in telling him about how his utter and complete _love_ for Steve is what made him finally break the Winter Soldier programming and pull him out of the river. What's the point in telling Steve about how Bucky thought of nothing but _Steve_ to help him with his nightmares when he was on the run. What's the point in telling him about how Bucky struggled so much to keep his feelings, his _sexuality_, to himself, because he couldn't do that to Steve. He couldn't risk Steve getting shamed by everyone they knew just because Bucky had his, his _crush_. And later on, he couldn't risk Steve getting the blue ticket when it wouldn't have even been his _fault_. So, what was the point in putting all of this on Steve when he finally had the chance to do what he always wanted to do, get married and live a life with Peggy.

After all, even if he had told him a long, long time ago and risked _everything_ for the both of them, why would Steve want to stay with Bucky? Bucky, who has done _nothing_ but cause Steve problems and made Steve risk his life for him and has been so, _so_, selfish and made Steve help him when he could've been so much happier without Bucky in his life. Why-

Steve cut Bucky off in his train of thought when he walked over and Bucky masked his face so that none of feelings could ever see the light of day.

" Don't do anything stupid 'till I get back." Steve says.

And Bucky has to say what they said to each other all those years ago when Bucky was being shipped off to the war. He can't say what he wants, _needs_, to say. _Please, please, don't go. I need you here. You have no idea but I _need _you here. Please just stay with me_. But Bucky knows he can't say that. That would be so selfish of him and he's already caused Steve so much pain, he can't let himself take anything more from Steve.

So, he smiles and says, "How can I? You're taking all the stupid with you."

And now they're, hugging for what Bucky can only think will be the last time, and he has to restrain himself from grabbing on tight and just holding him there in effort to just get Steve to _stay_ _with him_.

But, he's gone, he's walking away and Bucky will never get him back, he knows he'll never see him again without a wedding band on his finger that's from someone that isn't Bucky.

Steve steps on the pad that will take him away forever and Steve and Bruce are talking until Bruce is counting down from the time the Steve will leave him and all Bucky can think is, _ I love you, Stevie_.

He doesn't bother to listen to what Sam and Bruce are arguing about, he knows Steve isn't going to reappear there, why would he, when he has Peggy.

And Bucky sees him, by the water because he'll always recognize Steve from no matter how far away or what angle he's looking from or even if Steve is old and gray. He has to choke down a cry when he sees him, unseen and unheard by anyone else, because he knows exactly what all Steve has done and he knows that, even if there was a small, tiny chance that he could ever have Steve, and hold him in his arms, that that chance is completely demolished now. He looks on for a few more seconds trying to soak it all up and get everything _under control _before he alerts Sam because he knows that he couldn't, he just _couldn't _ go over there without breaking down and crying and telling Steve _everything_.

So he watches on from the background as Steve hands Sam his shield and , _oh god_, he can barely look at the shield without being reminded of everything.

And now Sam is walking back and Steve turns around and him and Bucky makes eye contact and Bucky can't help but think once again even when Steve is old and has wrinkles covering his entire body,

_I love you, Stevie._

**Author's Note:**

> I almost made myself cry writing this. Please let me know of any mistakes this might have.


End file.
